"You look at me and see the girl Who lives inside the golden world But don't believe That's all there is to see You'll never know the real me
She smiles through a thousand tears And harbours adolescent fears She dreams of all That she can never be She wades in insecurity And hides herself inside of me
Don't say she takes it all for granted I'm well aware of all I have Don't think that I am disenchanted Please understand
It seems as though I've always been
Somebody outside looking in Well, here I am for all of them to bleed But they can't take my heart from me And they can't bring me to my knees They'll never know the real me"
A sign shall be given, a virgin will conceive. A human baby bearing, undiminished deity. The glory of the nations, a light for all to see, that hope for all who will embrace his warm reality.
Immanuel, our God is with us. And if God is with us, who could stand against us? Our God is with us, Immanuel.
For all those who live in the shadow of death, a glorious light has dawned. For all those who stumble in the darkness, behold your light has come.
Immanuel, our God is with us. And if God is with us, who could stand against us? Our God is with us, Immanuel.
So what will be your answer? Will you hear the call, of Him who did not spare His son, But gave him for us all? On earth there is no power, there is no depth or height, that could ever separate us from the love of God in Christ.
Immanuel, our God is with us. And if God is with us, who could stand against us? Our God is with us, Immanuel.
I really enjoyed this Christmas season. I have had no trouble with gifts, as I have already begun in mid-November to plan for my friends and shopping. I have deleted appointments, I took time to sit down in my living room to read, listen to music, make cards and me to bathe in the warm glow of my lights. Sometimes I simply inserted a DVD and only have "gone underground" in a different world. The face-off for Christmas Eve, I have delivered on time and then pulled me out of any responsibility. No samples, no nagging, if one missed his text, no plan, no appointments. The others do now for me and I am very very grateful.
Today I had even leisure to go with my parents to the theater! They had heard that the piece is listed "As in Heaven" on the ground and summarily ordered me a card. Actually, I was very tired after the long weekend and had little desire, but the 3 hours in the theater completely enchanted me and I subsequently got this idea! We had a great evening!
I have in recent weeks, countless hours spent on the phone to have time for my friends and talk to them. I put every day a different Christmas CD and sometimes loudly sang along. Even in the pharmacy, we had a Christmas wreath and decorated our Christmas window.
Yes, it was a good time.
lyrics by Michael Card has touched me this year very much. You know now only too well how much I'm currently struggling with myself. Therapy, community, budget, finance ... all this will cost me much and I am chronically tired. The more I enjoy nights like this, where I know it for tomorrow no dates and no limit is, but I just can not sleep and rest. And so I can still write to short VOR 2 clock my blog, it wants something from me no when I get up tomorrow :-). Except maybe the hungry fur faced, but got her at eight Felix dumped into the bowl and then I go to sleep.
Michael Card sings: "If God be for us, who can be against us Our God is with us, Emmanuel!".
What a promise, what a gift!
No matter what drives me now so, God is on my side. He did not leave, he stands by my side and fight with me for me.
After this very, very tough year it's my Christmas present. The hope that Jesus brought into this dark, degenerate world The light that in the greatest darkness still shines. It is not to extinguish.
In my heart is at present very often darkness. I feel sad and hurt, but in those moments of heavenly father ignites a small lamp above me that I lit my way.
He does through the discussions with my family and friends, by my colleagues through the many emails and small greetings that reach me. He gives me a Bible verse, a smile on the tram, a message on my answering machine or a funny e-card. I will hug and kiss, people come up to me and say "Hey, I got you right now awfully!".
I do not know what to do without you, little lights.
"for those who live in the shadow of death, a wonderful light is absorbed. For those who stumble in the darkness, a light has come."
I currently live every day. My therapist said
before last week: "If I did not know that they have such a good, social environment, I would make you commit for the next part of the therapy in a clinic This not be alone But I can see.. that your family and friends who support you and. the only reason I allow you to carry on an outpatient basis. "
What a compliment to my friends!
When I think about what Christmas is clear to me that they are all this year, particularly those little lights that are given to me by my friends. People connect it for me in the rift that separates me from God is more secure. Are spoken prayers for me and they will not go unheard.
And those are the people that are on my side and me every day new evidence that God is with me.
I have no words to them, "Thank You" to say why I have dedicated my friends this blog.
Beloved, You have my heart and I love you very much. It shames me every day again. What would I be without you.
I thank you for mein persönliches, kleines Weihnachten. Der Herr segne Euch!
"Welcome to my life. You see, it is not easy. But I do it right. Welcome to my dream, he is the only one who needs me and remains at my side. "
What a song. beautiful. Today I bumped
As with Kilian, one of my best friends, after a very entertaining movie theater to the new age (the cell phone rang in one tour), he asked me:
"And what are yours? ? Wishes for the new year "
wishes came like a shot from the gun: " a stable job, health, a good degree of Theapie ... and maybe someday a partner. "
Right now I feel my single status is not a burden. I have to do simply with the therapy and my daily life enough. I know of no man around me, which I would expect that what I 've been going through. So I stay alone and that is wise.
remains the desire for normality. I have a normal life at the moment and I hope that this will change during the year. work goes, participate in the community, my household , the cats, visit friends and easily find the place that I can fill in this world. Rest and find peace.
But I have little time for normalcy, too many drives and moves me and that's no mistake, this is terribly important. But I'm still not arrived in my life.
I hope that changes soon, currently it is not clear.
Welcome to my life. You read in part with a very long time here and are certainly eager to know when there is even a little quiet for me. Probably there would still tell a lot, now I chat talk about what goes around in my head.
I'm looking forward to your reactions, the many small contributions, the emails and encouragement.
Welcome to my life. Feel you should also probably in the next life with me.
the evening shadows seem huge and even I feel so childish small. I wish the day would 'boundless, but the night brings the sun slowly.
weigh heavily on one occasion springs. I would wish no longer master of thought. before the door closes the day now, ' I want you reading my thoughts.
Stay with your overnight. spark in me your fire, melts the frost fear of my soul. Stay with your overnight are driving my time, that rises before the sun just for me.
Stay with your overnight.
The safety of the day stealing continues, so many of your words stand all in the room. My doubts and my questions seem absurd, it say you can trau'n your words.
All your pictures, they inspire me, but are also strong words, I need you, before the door closes the day now, wish ' I want you reading my thoughts.
Stay with your overnight. spark in me your fire, melts the frost fear of my soul. Stay with your overnight are driving my time, that rises before the sun just for me.
It's nice to know you, with you to hear or music. Even silence is never embarrassed between us, and that's good!
hypocrisy and lying is pointless , because we mutually see through almost like glass. We make long now no longer apply, and that's good!
you cried in my arms, many a night durchträumt with me, the last doubts resolved. I know you and you me!
You're not tough, you're calm soft. not to like you is not easy! You are not a Lone, You are so wonderfully weak! trust me and use me. What are friends for after all that?
I read 'in your gestures and looking forward, when a real laugh sounds. The bridge between us is tough under pressure, and that's good! We
cost us nervous, exchange ideas and philosophy sometimes the last shirt,
and drink and be with us forever foreign. And that's good!
We have reconciled, fell out, Sun laughed some crude humor, each other courage made. I need you, and you tell me "
Last week, Wednesday afternoon. Josh, my brother and my girlfriend Anna (now 10 years since his wife) sit comfortably with a coffee in my living room.
"Do you have this weekend what to do? Will not you come with us to Krefeld? and I found the idea excellent, at first glance.
I needed a Taptenwechsel come out, sometimes, do not just sit at home ... with two people I love beyond words, to be together ... my heart went on!
was less ideal, the fact no vacation than to have and somehow it was all so terribly spontaneous.
I told in the next sentence with coffee the next morning in the operation of the invitation and to Night I asked the best boss of all:
"When did you have before actually, I ask for the free afternoon tomorrow?" "Uh ... no. I'm not on vacation anymore!" "So what? Can you reproduce it?" "Uh ... that would be very spontaneous!" "TRISS! SKY ONE YET! Call your brother and I must commit?" "Uh ... no, I'll do it!"
I love my boss!
And so we left Friday afternoon to Krefeld.
We had an hour to reach the first traffic jam, listening to music, chatted, laughed and said nothing. In zähflissenden transport laid his head on Josh Anna's shoulder and I said, grinning, "Hey, watch out for traffic!". Seeing how fond the two after ten years of marriage have, for me, which is in terms of "relationship" very disillusioned, very refreshing.
We arrived, unpacked, I moved into my bed and the heaters were first turned up. Mama took care of the cats and I wrote a short text message that everything was fine.
The man of my best friend wrote an enthusiastic text message that her baby had arrived safely and Josh and Anna were pleased with me about the new arrival.
was in itself not more exciting: the two days were filled with sleep, rest, watch movies, eat well, the two Clear out the watch and the many small and so important conversations in passing. I had the honor to cook again for more than one person, and as we clock at half past ten on Saturday night shifts into third film, we still giggling over the previous films. May have been guarding the wine that we were so silly.
As I sat on the train today, then home, I thought again about the weekend and I remembered the song of "pure" a, "What friends are for?" and I realized how nice it is to not have to be alone. Well, I'm often lonely, but I'm never alone. My friends, my family are there for me and take care of me in a loving way As I have not earned.
Josh gave me packing up my belongings got here! I have them bought for you, enjoy it, "a CD in hand. I could easily arrive at them and "be." I did not have them pretend that I'm tough and invulnerable. You see how it goes and I currently do everything to make it easier for me to make. My brother and sister listen to me, carry me, do my shopping, I put down the coffee and are just there for me.
No more, no less.
But that's what I'm good.
your friends, it was incredibly nice to spend the weekend not to be alone with me, but once out of my to 'everyday' may tear. This is important for me. I'm so good, that challenges me, gives me strength.
When my therapist at the last meeting asked me what would be the most important moment in my life because it was shot like a shot: "My social life, my friends, my family." Singles
We need friends. How do community, conversations, laughter, tears, silence and shared food.
wounded, weak, a sinner, lost when you die - oh, raise the head because Love is courting you. Come to Jesus Come to Jesus Come to Jesus ... and live!
is now gone, the burden sunk into the deepest sea. His death has given you new life. Now sing to Jesus, Sing to Jesus Sing to Jesus ... and live!
Do not be afraid to crawl, as born child. Do not forget, sometimes we fall down too. fall to Jesus, fall on Jesus, fall on Jesus ... and live!
Your path is sometimes lonely, also paved with pain. your black sky and tearfully your heart. Then screaming to Jesus, cry cry to Jesus, to Jesus ... and live! If
Love bubbles over, the night music met reveals the joy of your passion, then dance for Jesus Dance for Jesus Dance for Jesus ... and live!
In principle, one could 'blog Friday and move in together it today when I got up Saturday morning after a tearful night, I felt much better.. I indulged a relaxing day with a warm bath, I've cooked something delicious, and watching a movie. I dangled my soul and I simply do good.
I have often wondered what it is that I am about my moods as unsettled her.
My therapist has explained to me then that I am now even a person who lives very strong feelings and a melancholic choleric is then starting and exhausting.
But I learn with time to take these nights just as they come, without fear of them have. My world does not break along with me when I'm depressed and I wake up the next morning, still alive and kicking on.
Sometimes I call this loneliness and the grief I also knew a. If the grief is knocking at my door, then I do and say. "Hey, nice that you're here If we want to deal with each other a little bit" and then we see us together, "Titanic" or "to A Walk to Remember," Cook us some tea with rum, the spit Zewatücher full and efficient self-pity us But the next morning I do the door again and say: "So, was nice to you, now you can go, I need my heart for a while, so it's enough for today ".
And so the sadness disappeared on Saturday morning just as quickly as they had come.
But I was still very alert. My heart was still quite softened and a bit hurt. So I have taken time to talk after the service, I went to bed and then it started to Albert and Andrea Frey concert.
It was my first concert with them, and I was mighty curious. The hall was sold out and half the town had come.
Albert announced first in a "profound" first part. In "Between Heaven and Earth", it took exactly 10 seconds and I started to cry.
"Between Heaven and Earth is a crack and a struggle between light and darkness. In the meantime, in the meantime. We are between heaven and earth were and that what we do not we want to do that. In the meantime, in the meantime.
Between Heaven and Earth, we suffer from strife on the way to you. In the meantime, in the meantime. Between Heaven and Earth is a web and you yourself are the bridge and the road. In the meantime, in the meantime.
Between Heaven and Earth, we are and we enter into this plan with you. In the meantime, in the meantime. You make heaven and earth once again, but your kingdom is already here and you are faithful. In the meantime, in the meantime.
midst of this world but not of this world, we belong to you and yet we are still here.
's me but not surprised, it would have surprised me if the emotions were still in me, had not I sought. As described in this song, I felt caught between that which I long and what my Lord promised me. You have to be very hard have become so as not to be touched by these words.
It is a subtle difference, whether you cry because you are injured or if God touched his heart overflowing with love and everything back there takes place where it belongs. Of course it hurt, because pretty much every song of the first part the tears ran down my face. As a healing power that music came directly into my soul and washed me vigorously. But somehow it did me good and that was a very important moment.
I think if Albert Frey first intoned the celebration songs and brought the house down would, I would not come to cope. Somehow that was exactly the right Way for me and I was the deep, quiet songs just beginning to appreciate.
After "Love Song" from the last Albert Frey production ("first love"), I said with a smile to my mom, while I wiped the tears from her cheek, "Now is time well, or nothing left of me !!!".
Well. "Where am I also" definitely gave me the rest
"And I thank you that you know me and still love. And that you call me by name and forgive me. Lord, you judge me again and you lift me up to you. Lord, I thank you that you know and love me anyway. "
The hall was like a man! This was a very precious and absolutely sacred moment, we were able to experience. God was felt in that moment there and we again called out that he loves us, no matter how we are, no matter where we stand. We sometimes forget that is quite happy. When the house lights
the break came on, I was not the only one who fumbled for a handkerchief to be laid to clean their noses.
And then celebrate!
I smile every time I see how refreshing awkwardly trying to celebrate Christians sometimes, especially here in our country Lipper. So there you have times teeters a little, bowing to pressure their hips, clap and carefully padded foot on the ground, not works anymore. As such, we would have to dance to the songs Polonaises through the gears, but then showed the joy subdued, even when the eyes were bright, beaming faces.
Albert Frey and his group left out raged around the stage as one of the song "freedom of the children of God" at one time can lead to 'Uff de Schwabian Eisebahne "and" Pippi Longstocking ", I somehow missed, but I laughed a break! We have discussed this part of the concert later in the car for a long time. Some found it inappropriate to move seamlessly from the child's program and I praise I give, I had also get used to.
But that is precisely what we Christians sometimes so difficult: to enjoy the freedom to time his "child". Perhaps we have forgotten how to: play the exuberance and a little silliness in our rigid Christian let in?
In the car I said, "God does not live only in our songs and praise for me is to rinse, dishes, or to feed my cats so much I want to do anything with Jesus..." So be it.
Andrea closed the evening with the song "Come to Jesus" and she said: "I think this evening's motto is" Live! Live with Jesus "and the song in the whole hall sang along silently.
For me, today joined a circle that had begun with my despair on Friday. I have cried with Jesus this weekend, mourned, I once again broken, but just as I was allowed to laugh, cry with joy, and begin to live with all that I had complained just in these days so come to my heavenly father and me Align again anew.
That was important, my friends. That was incredibly important to me. Not to stop at the Friday night, but the Sunday evening to experience.
As Albert Frey in the song "Come to Jesus" so aptly says:
"Come to Jesus, sing to Jesus , fall on Jesus, crying to Jesus, dance for Jesus, fly to Jesus ... ... and live! "
I think I've done it all this weekend. I have come to Jesus, was singing, I fell, I screamed, I danced and I flew Jesus. And I realized that I enjoy living.
I did well this weekend, in every respect. It was perfectly fine to remind me that I still need a man by my side, but even better was the experience that God knows precisely this lack. My Heavenly Father has not admitted that I was the only reminder of this weekend was what I was missing, I had to stop not there when I arrived, but I will arise again in order to live.
And I was able to once again relive that God makes me grieve, too, but not holding me in my grief. That was precious, that was incredibly valuable.
and let live and just take everything that has to do with this life together. And grieve if you will, then please do it. But if you want to laugh and rage, then that does too!
My mom said today in a car on the way home, a little wistfully: "I will someday be with the Lord and I will be made so again, that I finally can even dance!"
Stephan hung up and I had a ride for Danilo's farewell party tonight. He has finally found a job in Southern Germany and will move next week.
For that reason he had invited for chili, cold beer and chocolate banana and he really lives in the A *** the world, I was grateful for Stephen's commitment to collect me after work. Even when I go to to buy a car "Need", there are moments when I would have liked one.
Melli invited me to the little daughter Noemi's asleep behind the car and we drove first Stephan from work to pick up and replace the car. I'm going terribly like BMW and could even sit up front.
When we arrived, there was chili and beer for all (Noemi ate jelly, grapes and rice in exchange), we looked for a place and I noticed in the course of the evening, I was up on Winnie the oldest in the room. I'm used to them, especially when I invite young people, but somehow I was the first time today to really. As you know, I'm tight on the 40 (just four years!) And the fact as usual "but" came to be, was the next thing I noticed.
Well, it did not burn without a partner, but most of them were straight times early to mid 20th And these young people are all such wonderful people, I can not imagine that only one of them will stay long alone.
I just really like to have had a partner there. I'll be the last time really well with my single status, but when I saw this very young couples and married couples who were talking, it hit me yet again. Now and then it hurts.
Oscar said the answer to how she was to me: "Hmm Whenever someone asks you how your week was, you say, it would have been exhausting. I think I've never heard of you a different answer. "
And that is true. I'm really kind of my daily life on the Friday evening demanding. The fact, everything (work, home, community, therapy) ever manage alone having to cost me a lot. I'm not 20 anymore and can dance the night no more. Do I not, I celebrated in my life very much. But now I am in my mid 30 and on Friday evening, just tired, especially if the pharmacy has just started the antibiotics season.
When we at half past ten in the car grabbed the little Noemi seemed to me the relationship between Melli and Stephan for granted.
"Do you need the car tomorrow morning?" "No, we can get the car later, as long as you do not forget the blender, which I have purchased?" "No, I do not forget, do not worry!" .
A little dialogue, a short "will agree" that made me terribly sad at once. When Stephen told me about his plans, in addition to four children (the second is on the road) times a small house with a garden have to, I thought that I probably would not have so quickly. I live alone in my rented apartment and so far it looks unlikely that this will change in the foreseeable future.
I know not, I had never. With your partner be on the road, talking to agree to deny to live everyday life. I speak with me everything itself. Well, I had roommates and have had a great time with them, but eventually I had to learn to come alone clear.
This might sound awfully whiny at all, may be that I am once again in place, but tonight it hurts me just to be alone. And I think that for this blog and place must be easy to say: I suffer to be still single.
am currently in love I am. Terribly unhappy in love. I know that it can not work out and before your love meant to me, encouraging news posted: No, it's really an impossible relationship, and I have accepted. Still, I love and do not know why this is so. It just happened and can not get rid of me.
But if you love and then finds that you can not have this love and will not do what others have, it does the same hurt even more.
What is the song by Rosenstolz sung so frighteningly fit:
"What keeps my life If it without you lives Why do I need to understand If it still goes on
holds What's love From Love languid What it is to keep When you no longer have
What keeps the love of loving numb What should I keep my If you do not believe me anymore "
I really feel that at this very moment is the love from me and my laughter in the face laughs. And the hurts me. Today, perhaps more than usual
I was envious today furchbar envious that everything did not. Like a tiny sting me longing poisoned by something that I may not have.
Ringtone Rosey is the question: ? What to make of me when my world revolves faster think as much thought to thought, but I can not "
I know, unlike to this band, what can I think I am. I know that Jesus loves me and is just dying for these lonely moments for me on the cross. I know I am not alone in my heart, because God is always there. I know he sees my unrequited love and just as seriously as I do. I know that he is about my sadness as sad as I am. I know he will give me that I mastered myself and get clear.
your friends, that I know everything. Still, it hurt sometimes indicated. And I believe that my heavenly Father not me resents that I'm sitting here now and it simply can not manage today. I did not because the force to. I do not even know where to get them.
I love Isaiah. He writes in his book (chapter 42.3) that God does not break the bruised tube and do not extinguish the smoldering wick. What a promise! What a promise!
Do you know you had last night sure many tips for me, as I could "better" or make "different". What could I use for tricks to push the pain aside, I could convince myself that everything so "is not so bad." Without question, I know this advice and have given them so many times someone.
But I think the best what you would give to me this would be the idea that God will not let myself go broke in my solitude. The candle still burns and will not go out, I know.
And so now I'm going to go to bed and pull the covers over his head. I will take my cat Milo in the arm and just sleep. Interestingly, my little cat is now terribly cuddly. I just had him in writing several times to throw off the keyboard, because he wanted to go to my lap. And I'm sure as soon as I roll myself in my blanket, he will step on me to be petted. God is not sometimes just terribly simple and concrete terms?
is Tomorrow a new day and it will be good no matter how I feel now.
God will help me that I no longer hurts and that I should still be happy.
I liked it very well done, to tell you today may not even know what hurts me. For this I need not feel embarrassed me. Perhaps it would be abnormal not to feel this way?
Question: What do you do when you run away to his apartment dirty place and has no motivation, finally durchzuputzen you thoroughly?
Answer: you load a somebody. Latest, before a dinner I brush, because it is embarrassing to me than when someone enters my home siffig. Even if it is "only" my parents are!
is in itself it is not difficult to find in my social circle hungry mouths waiting to be filled. Every Sunday, meet at my favorite family from the community (I have them already 2 blogs under the topic "What friends are for?" Dedicated), a diverse group of young people to eat. I am also often there, and love, as you know, this Sunday.
Now it was so that today, the host parents were not there and so I just decided to invited the usual suspects to me. It's not that the kids have to cut down at home one egg in the pan!
Somehow, the then independent. As such, I was the only way to the five people in the eye, but then I remembered one or the other is still a ... I thought "Hm .. but one was always there!" and before I knew myself, I had invited 11 people and a toddler.
As such we think of even at such a planning that determines one or the other call it off, but somehow suddenly said to everyone! Since I had the mess!
Well, okay, 12 people. Hm Where would I put, I do not think now had to this would later time, but what to cook when you have only one stove and two cute cats, marching like to look over the sideboards to see what has put the can opener like that? Human food they eat yes, but she really likes to play football and sometimes with peas paws around on potatoes.
Ha, I had it easy: Tortellini, a great idea, you only need 2 pots and sinks would also briskly.
was the next problem, how much you would have to cook, to get all tired. I really have asked everyone and the data were received from 100 g to 500 g per nose, so I just bought about 3 kg. That was a wise Decision, I have no idea where all the kids trustworthiness! There is not much left.
Stephan simste me Saturday morning, "How come then, my wife wants to make waffles!" Hallelujah! At dessert or cake, I had not even thought of.
Sun Evi drove my colleague and I went shopping first Thursday. Tortellini, cream, cheese, ham, assorted snacks and fruit drinks, a packet of coffee, one gallon of milk ... It piled in the shopping cart. After the refrigerator could be concluded only by engergisches hammering, I went to cleaning.
four weeks I had them sharpened it, and if you have two cats, then you need hours, by almost 80 square again to get clean. I took my time, made little break in between, but I was done more than when I was able to facilitate yesterday evening at 19 clock seufend the vacuum cleaner in the corner. My cats have hated me way. Cleaning means for them to make noise, constantly pushing the Knatterkissen aside and scold.
fell during the night then I siedenheiß one at half past eleven, I had not enough pots. Well, my parents had lent me her big pot, but that would be enough just for the sauce.
Thank God I live in the parish house and so I took today after the service a sizeable Pot up and a few extra spoons and cake forks. The church voted me perfectly to this day. "My" young people made the music, it was wonderful to sing with them and celebrate God. I got it right in the heart warm and I had the feeling that God gave me light a small lamp above my head.
One of the kids said after the service: "Tell me, where should we actually all sit?", But somehow this would be all right. I had already boarded up 25 people over for me.
And then one by one, trickled in, always with an energetic "Make sure that the cat runs off !!!!" welcomed by me. Milo of course went and was promptly donate protesting violently captured from Niklas.
The young people poured on my leather sofas, ever nibbled grapes, each took a glass and I could concentrate on the cooking process. Again and again I looked over the shoulder of a "Hmm .. this smells delicious but full of evil crass!" and from the living room and cheerful laughter penetrated talk.
with spoons and plates, it was armed to the food issue, I felt like the school lunch. Bread was passed around and everyone could be just where he found space down. Greedy silence, interrupted by "Wow. Yummy!" and constant reloading, it was a mess! But a funny!
Thank God were all filled, the first coffee dripped through the machine and then began the talks. Oscar groaned at the serving of sweets and chocolate puffed rice, "Oh, man this is one yes !!!", supplies but I know now times that the road goes to the heart of a young person always about the food!. Feed them and they will love you even if I think that I am "my" kids love so much have.
A cat walked across the room (the other was under the bed and came out all day not), Noemi, just 16 months old and extremely curious admitted from the shelves, trying to counter the Tiger wegzuessen the food ... it was a single chaos, tumult and chatter.
Eventually rang Simon: "Did not someone said something about waffles?" and then were Millie and me in the kitchen and made us familiar with my food processor. I have been a good year, but somehow it was not really used much. We stood enraptured in front of this monster machine and watched as the cream was almost beaten into butter. Cherries were made hot, powdered sugar, I had accidentally went there and it to the wafer destruction. The remaining waffles I have given Melli. The eyes of Stephen, Mellis man who lit up when he saw the plate.
The child was eventually put to bed, a coffee cargo after another went by and then I could finally put this sometimes and relax. We told them we roared with laughter, we enjoyed the community and the feeling with friends at the right time right place to be.
some point were Biggi, Ben and I exchanged in the kitchen, while washing out the latest community we gossip, told of our issues, concerns and wishes, we have for us. I love you so ... the small, quiet talks, culminating in the fact that we have a heart for our little community and they want to make progress.
went Gradually the guests, the hard core remained seated until half past eight. When I then finally to the last hugs the door closed behind me, the other plate placed in the washing basket, I realized that I was still smiling.
I'm almost missing the words to explain how nice it was for me today. The time with "my" kids has made me incredibly rich. Honestly, what can happen to a man already, if you have friends? How can it be dark and sad in my heart when I accompany such a wonderful and precious people?
Each of my friends is something very special. One caution, the other happily noisy, some profound or superficial, but they all have my heart. They are all part of my family and I would not want to miss today.
Jesus has promised us that when come together only two or three of his children, he will always be there. And he was here today. He sat down next to us and mitgelacht. He took care of Naomi, the little princess, so that you do nothing. He has not let us tear just jokes, but also paid deep conversations.
So I close this blog entry with the feeling of having spent a truly wonderful day.
Let us communion with others. Let us not that we stay in our homes alone with ourselves. We just for singles is very important.
And even if it means a day that destroyed the apartment and the kitchen is vollgedreckt that it is worth it!
"And you stand in front of your canvas, paint your life you then color, feel quite healthy. remember to forget you guest, no, it drops a not more you must have long since dispensed with.
Somewhere it is written, you shall love your enemies, they embrace and seduce open your doors.
Come and bow before you yourself, you suffer a lot to you. run away from the ghosts of this world, no one follows you for your worst enemy you are!
And then you take your binoculars, you, you see the world huge. dreams you can not let go. And you feel so at a disadvantage have yourself rarely love and you fall through the sieve.
Were the king is happy, has were the beggars whom you are. Come on, try to remember, because you know that we love you. "
Sunday noon. As so often lately, I was Verena packed into the car and taken to my "favorite family" from the community. Under "What friends are for?" I have these extraordinary people already dedicated two blog entries. So I have not much about the rich food, good table fellowship and the pure relaxation report that you already know :-)
Interestingly, the four children of the family had all left home, the young people come in on Sunday but still them together. Today we were only a "small" group (so around 8 people plus grand daughter) and it was not always as rich Food but also in conversations.
broke at five young people to "real-time service" in the neighboring community. "Trissi, you coming?". "Och jo." I just had nothing before and I have been very long since been in a youth service. Was high time again to socialize with people.
I arrived and I must admit that I am the general age profile considerably raised. With my nearly 36 Lenzen I was actually twice as old as most of the first set and set times that I am the common youth group songs was not really familiar. My goodness, I was so an "old" aunt, that I no longer knew the Songs of Youth?
would have loved me, but I had no car while a. and b. It rained in torrents, so I sat in the well-occupied room, folded his arms and let the others sing.
Hurrah! There was finally a song that I knew: "And I thank you that you know and love me anyway." and I sang along. Somehow, I waited for the "religious spa feeling," to the loving arms of God and that I finally felt better, but that did not come really. I really am not the man, who rocks as so often in a positive mood, I had forgotten over the years simply. Which in itself is not wrong. What is the kind of faith, if you're only happy when one is softened through songs?
In the moment but would like to once again had a bit of it.
The preacher mounted the pulpit and told us the "wanderlust" of Christians. He reported on the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt to the promised land of Canaan, and compared the journey of the Israelites with our life.
is one thing I really stayed in my memory: The speaker said that God often lets us go detours, which we regard as useless and troublesome, but we still keep coming to your destination, no matter how long it takes. Sometimes it is even God's great plan to us our to make detours and he finds the perfectly okay.
I sat upright in my chair and leaned forward. I had never heard so, and probably misunderstood. How exciting!
Anyone who knows me knows that I am right now seems only to go astray. I therefore would not haunt me, I was completely foreign to me at the moment and made very clear.
The sermon was too soon to end and it was again sung songs I barely knew. Somehow I were texts all uniform and interchangeable:
"I thank God, the Creator ... I look at the cross ... I adore you ... you died for me ... I adore you ... I stand before your throne ... I adore you ...". The melodies were also very simple and fast mitsingbar. Nevertheless, I sang with, where I now was already there.
Suddenly I fell like scales from the eyes, because I what actually sang!
Jesus Christ, the Son of the Creator of all things, for me went to the cross because he loves me!
What a revelation for many years of Christians, you may think sarcastically. Had I not all a thousand times over and over again heard? I think the message of the cross says nothing else and has been for over 2000 years!
So what was new?
As Vitali of front called to tell what God had shown us, I slipped back and forth restlessly and suddenly my heart was pounding very loudly. I know that already, if I say something, then this is a "trouble" condition and one day I went to the front.
I said something like, "We have sung it over and over again that Jesus loves us, and I've heard these songs a thousand times I am Jesus so infinitely precious that he went to the cross for me and he would have. which is also done if I were the only sinner in this world was. I currently have a time when I myself can not take kindly. How I actually get to me not even to love, find me but God who loves perfection, so much love that he died for me? ? Why I oppose myself from really, if God does not do it. "
And then I sat back down with my beating heart
Verena smiled at me:" Wise words, Trissi "and she was right . I had then the song by Rosenstolz picked out and look again found. I'm more of itself has become the worst enemy and I go often with a tone with me that it is frightening.
"You're nothing, you can not, you'll never be what. Look at you, you fell again, would have you need to know any better? no wonder that not a man in love with you, so corrupt as you are. Why should I decide the hell a guy for you? Ha! New items, like, stupid. You're ugly, you're fat and in general did you not under control. So this will never do with you. ! Stand not to, "etc., etc.
My therapist once said:" Triss, move around, like you would not do it with their worst enemy. Why the hell you make it think so poorly of themselves. You should slowly learn to see themselves as a friend. Do you look good and listen to you, to make himself just finished. "
Wise words :-)
I know that it is a process, even good for me to work around if one has never learned. I do not know where it came from and why I am so critical of myself, but today I once again realized that this must not continue.
I no longer need to define what is in my life, everything went wrong. If the master who created me, not bad thinks about me, then I do not need to do so.
On vacation I read the book "Love, Do you long after the" by John Ortberg and it helped me a lot of good. Ortberg says there about the "rag doll" of God. These rag dolls have either themselves, "played broken" or have been hurt by others and destroyed. Often they were used only once and then thrown carelessly into the trash. And then they come to the Father and say:
"Dad, I was broke, but look at me at times."
God does not lift with low rumbling voice, his bushy eyebrows and muttered reproachfully ? "Did I not tell you what have you done since Tstststs again ... you would not have known better?"
No, it is not God. He does this rag doll in his hand and gently says, "Well, my dear, then we'll see how we hammer out the back. Is not so bad, it will come back ". And then he takes our broken heart, hurt soul and bruised body very, very carefully in his hands and puts everything back to the right place.
So also was Jesus! . Those who do not believe this should read through once the Gospels as the Son of God met prostitutes, sinners, duties and lepers
In Mark 1, 41, "And when he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, for they were and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd "
He stood in front of these broken people and asked:". Do you want to be healthy, "
And then he healed them without conditions?. without warnings, without reproach.
God loves his rag doll who can not love yourself more and have lost all hope of recovery.
have I learned today again and it made me really happy. So I go ahead and try the enemy in me finally being sent to the desert.
Apparently we have all heard and now remains nothing left, we could say. We observe our reality and it vanishes slowly. is why we made every longing out of hand, eludes us why every dream?
Anyone who has ears to hear will understand. The point is, do not have to look over his shoulder, to see how someone is leaving us. Maybe we should just stare into his eyes. Say goodbye to another of the lies.
I would like to know whether you believe in love. For all this, what you were looking for in this world, have you not found it. Whether in the sun, in the fire and Rain, nobody will hurt you can ever if you believe in love.
Sometimes I am in the morning and wished I were not there. Life seems to be so desperately lonely, if no one cares about you. But I've found someone, a friend for life, in my heart, keeps me up all my fears are gone.
Do not be afraid of the questions. The answer awaits you. No one, no one can ever hurt you is, if you believe in love.
No one can break your world into pieces, if you believe in the Love believe "
It's midnight and I hear this song by Russ Taff in the loop ... unfortunately there is no video of this song at youtube.de, I wish , you could hear it, it has incredible strength and a beautiful chorus cry
Who wants to have the song..! reports you please, I can send it to you like :-)
I am a person of very strong lives in melodies and music, so I only have the text to convey what I think and feel.
Russ Taff is here deal with the fundamental issues of human existence. It's been very difficult for me, his Words dictionary sense, because there are just fragments of the agonizing questions that move us?
"Where I come from Who am I really How is it that hurts me the life over and over again How I overcome, so I'm not bitter and callous? What do I do with my weakness, my loneliness? "
And he gives the answer to this by encouraging us to believe in the love of God.
There were moments in my life where I wished to have been born. "To be" overwhelmed me completely and I knew nothing to start with this gift, which I before my Creator 36 Years has made. And I'm definitely not in these dark times once thought about suicide.
What moves me again and again to continue in spite of my questions, God is love. It is the knowledge that the Creator of all things very carefully watches over me, no matter whether someone is injured or leaves me. He puts me back on my feet every morning and nudges me.
Today I have to experience pain that the children of God know very well how it can hurt and make each other down. I sat in the community of believers (the Apostle Paul as "holy") and me the tears ran down my face when I realized how hard and we worked around each other mercilessly. And I would have liked to leave the room!
came when I get frustrated in my apartment, I have deliberately picked out the song by Russ Taff, get me back to remind you that God will never hurt me. He is, unlike his children, never beat me in the face.
On the contrary, today it has wiped me through this song the tears from her face and heal my wounds.
If I hold the love of God, and they continue to give those who have this love so desperately need, then nothing can happen to me. Then it does not matter whether I want to hurt anyone consciously or unconsciously, for the love of God has this injustice already defeated.
I wish I could communicate only in thinking, which has been given to us with the love of God. We just have to have the courage to believe in it.
No, not like many other degrees are always at a wedding and party hard this title meant, but so is grad work technically and technologically relationship a lot going on with me.
is technically my grad work in no case boring. The preparation of our children's week, come to the whopping 226 kids yesterday was the registration deadline and still calls from interested parents are pure-run at full speed.
Two staff training I have behind me, who I first tasted a lot of nerve making final preparations for this were always ready for a short time before. No, not that is because I was poorly organized and my time wrong had divided. But quite simply because I have just the whole for the first time and I will still do things occurred that should be done. You grow into it just now with work in the work and running next year in this regard will certainly a lot different.
What have I felt quite particularly in recent weeks was that God is with me every day and through me and help me with. Is my work but then once gotten out of hand, my colleagues spontaneously prayed for me and I was mostly at-least-once again re-motivated.
Yes, despite the stressful time and very little sleep or very low on days I love my work still, above all, the community and the people in the community. I'm here so much in the right place, feel me a fiddle and it's kind of awesome, when I consider that I am in two weeks just a year'm here. It seems much longer ago and yet the last year has gone by very quickly.
more so I am happy that I do not like others of my vintage, think about leave-taking must. I can still stay here at least a year. A year full of new challenges, that I will take probably two new projects.
are very valuable to me, my colleagues. Last week we were five together for a day away, out of the office to get to know better, and again to look into who has what role in the team. A real "nice" time, which brought us very wide. We are just a great team where we complement each other great and are there for each other.
Yes, this team is so great that I even love to spend time outside of my working time with them. So are my colleagues not only become my colleagues, but in any case, even friends, for which I am eternally grateful.
However, not only in my colleagues I have great friends, but otherwise here in the community. This includes a really great genius Family, which has become my second family and the kids greet me every time exuberant. This week came from Jens, who expresses his feelings or otherwise rarely hands out praise: "Ramona, Ramona you are the best out there" - Ramona course, he knows only one, but for a kid that's really a great statement of which I know they came from the heart.
But not only the family but also many other dear people from the community are in the year I have become very important and they came up friendships in which there is a mutual give and take and I am grateful looooong.
No! I'm not in love again and have no friends! Or rather, I am new love in JESUS!
The whole thing happened on the weekend in Linz. I went there on Thursday with teens and friends from the community to take part in a 24hour Worship Project. And it was not a "normal" worship are "only" to describe with singing, but praise of a very different kind of dance, proclaiming common and more difficult-so here. You might just have seen. Was it on Friday evening for me but a little strange, I can get involved more and more time on it and then really enjoyed it. God spoke to me again and I'm just still touched and amazed at God's love and greatness! Many prophetic Zusprüche, but also simply times in prayer, in which I felt myself drawn back again to Jesus. I'm so new in love with Jesus! Has not yet strengthened following song:
Yes, I have nothing selected, and Jesus has stolen my heart this weekend!
addition to this we had Worship Project, despite constant rain, which is at a campsite really uncomfortable, a really super great time together. I know the people here just totally grown fond of and I'm looking forward even more to stay I can not go in two months already has, but at least another year!
Now it's actually been almost two months ago that the last time I was published here. This was partly because I had to just do a lot more, a lot of sitting at the computer and then I was too flat in the evening to write something. Second, it was also because I simply had no more muse and lust, what to write. The last two months have passed on to me topsy-turvy. Very much work, very many moments where I had to deal with myself. But now it's back steadily uphill: Preparations for the carnival camps (which are called only because they are on Carnival, have nothing to do with carnival) are in full swing, next week Saturday starts the first and I'm looking forward already huge on it! While it is true hammer with two camps back to back, but I did leave and then will fly to Berlin.
Then there was in recent weeks, some highlights that I would like to mention here:
Baden-Network retreat earlier this year, the professional staff and executives of the leisure communities that Badner here in the beautiful country in a network. A very cool and relaxing time in which I could experience God first hand. Very interesting to see and cool, like so runs an exam and be allowed to co-decide what is in the town next year, all addressed:
council retreat.
God has healed me from my tendonitis, after the council had been praying for me on the council retreat. So it is "really" what truth in James 5:14: "Is any sick among you who call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord." ;-)
a week Marburg, where I had very good discussions with the people there, but also new ideas could bring to my work.
A really cool intern from Gander bath home that I could teach for two weeks. We had two very good, quality time together. She is very dear to my heart and I miss it very much!!
The biggest highlight, and it may have been a few of you but is waiting: I got a promise that my contract will be extended here in the community. I shall therefore here longer work in the community and am looking forward to the total coming weeks and months, because you can work with this prospect, even better! God is just fine! He knows what I need when and gives it to me then! How much I've been waiting for this decision and asked drum that God shows me just what he has a plan for me! Thanks Daddy!
extent again by me. I hope that I can in the weeks to come back more often to write. Mir gehts definitely be back better and I am motivated to write again ...
Oh yeah, almost forgot I would have it: The week has not only brought me Marburg impetus for my work but also a "new" look: I'm in a very spontaneous phase from the Heidrun love your hair cut short at first getting used to, but because it is a very stark difference from before was, I feel I've gotten very comfortable with it! is a photo soon. Promised
